Hey you,
So glad to connect with you again! I’m at the Austin Airport right now waiting to board my plane to Atlanta. I’m speaking at a conference there this weekend and I’m really looking forward to it. I get to talk about showing up in our brilliance, coffee, and community building…three things I just can’t get enough of! The men and women I get to connect with at this event may just have to usher me off the stage because I can talk a LOT about this. 🙂
But, I’m here writing because the conference isn’t really the top thing on my mind in this moment. What is on my mind are my 3 little girls and Dennis right now. My 3 micro-humans and my hubby.
Why? Because this is a season in my life where travel has been a big part of my career, and I miss my babies when I travel. I miss all those small (but big) moments that my husband gets to enjoy. I miss putting them to bed at night. I miss the random conversations that show up at the most random times (like that one time my oldest – almost 9 years old – says, “I know how babies are made!” and my 4 year old goes, “Tell me how they’re made, Maya.”
Oh boy. 🙂
Glad I was there for that one.
Then, there’s that other side of the coin… when I’m home too long, I yearn to travel again! I miss the amazing people I get to meet, the opportunities to share my heart with customers, clients and audiences, the new places I get to explore, and the time I get to myself to just “be” and reflect on my next steps. I appreciate my husband and our support system more than ever when I get these opportunities!
I’m reflecting on this right now because this is my current life. If there’s one thing that I have realized in going from being an entrepreneurial mom for over 10 years now is that there’s no such thing as balance. Friend, if trying to be in balance between your professional and personal life is your current play… and you feel like you’re failing or flailing by trying to create balance, can I love on you for a moment?
Grab a cup of coffee and sit with me for a minute.
There is NO such thing as balance.
Please do correct me if I’m wrong. I love being in conversation about this.
For me, when one side feels in alignment, then the other side gets out of whack. 100% of the time!
What I believe in instead is this idea of Integration.
I learned about integration when I was working for a college and worked ALL. THE. TIME. One of my mentors had me think through this concept, and it has really worked well for me.
Imagine that integration is the ability for you to look at your awesome, yet perfectly imperfect and busy life and see each part of your life (managing work, your relationship with your partner, your kids and their schedules, those dreams you’ve wanted to grow, hobbies, friends, etc…) as if you’re putting together the perfect outfit for any occasion.
The person wearing the outfit represents your essence, your values, your brilliance, your wiring…all that make you amazingly YOU.
Your outfit represents your to-do list, your relationships, your career, your family, your roles, your responsibilities. Therefore, all the pieces that shift in your life are part of the outfit you’re creating and going out into the world in each and every day.
You’ll choose your clothes (hopefully, at least once a day!) and you may try something more formal, more relaxed, etc. Each time you change your outfit, YOU as a person don’t change, but the look you’re wearing changes.
You go with the flow of the day and when life’s circumstances show up (traffic, a sick kid, an argument with your partner, loss of a job) you view those as “outfit snags” – just as if a button got loose or the zipper gets stuck.
You fix that zipper, your sew that button, you put your outfit out to dry, but then you move on, and you continue forward with that bigger reason you know you’re meant to do and bring into the world and put on another outfit.
No serious drama, no feeling of panic or overwhelm that things aren’t balanced… You may be annoyed that you have to change your clothes, but really, you just move on.
When I look at life from that angle, I often don’t get caught up in the frustrations of balance but instead can try to be present with what is right in front of me in that moment while living in the bigger reason for the travel, the time together, the time apart, and I get to live from intention and integration.
To be sure, your life’s“outfits” will look different daily and sometimes especially when you’re wearing the formal gowns for a black tie event, for example. Let’s say that gown represents your kids or husband and you’re feeling disconnected from them. The attention goes to them, but those gorgeous 2 inch cream colored heels are still there too (your work). You don’t forget that that work you do love (or maybe just pays the bills) is still there, but you can choose to be present with your family for that moment and let them get the attention.
I hope that makes sense.
Bottom line, Perky one…
You matter. Like, a LOT. You matter to your family, to your friends, to your community. You matter…and when you put yourself first, your family, friends and community feel your love and presence so much more.
So as I fly to Atlanta, I’m remembering this too. Integration is a beautiful thing and while I may be hypothetically wearing knee high boots (my work), a plum dress right above the knee (my family) with a black necklace (my relationship with my colleagues and audience), and a bracelet that says “Strength” (my friends), I’m able to take that outfit off and put one on later that may represent the mix of that day in a different way. Next week, I’ll celebrate a few friends’ birthdays and that may look like short ankle boots (work), a bright yellow dress (family), a jean jacket (friends) with cute earrings and bracelet (my community).
Live in integration, Perky one. You’re worth it!
With love and a cup of coffee,
Maruxa
